Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

This past Saturday, my sister-in-law, Monique, planned the most amazing day. She brought her hairstylist, Mia, and Miss Terri, hairstylist and wig consultant extraordinaire, to my home. Together, we had a fiesta of hair cutting and trying on wigs. I counted 17 people including 6 kids under 5!


Monique and my cousin-in-law Kim each donated 10 inches of their hair to Locks of Love – a nonprofit that provides wigs for children undergoing chemo. All the haircutting inspired my mom and wonderful friend Madelynn to chop their hair off, too (though they didn’t go as short as the rest of us). Adam and I got our hair cut by my longtime stylist Sheena. And Matthew was inspired enough to sit in the chair for a few moments to let Sheena snip a few of his long pieces for his first haircut. We took locks of everyone’s hair and planted it under a new bougainvillea that Mia brought for us to plant in our yard.

It was a tremendous day of energy, laughter and love. My new wigs (none of which are pictured, don’t worry) are on their way and are largely the same as the way my hair used to be – though with the ease of this new short cut, I’m wondering if short hair isn’t the way to go! It was a tremendous way to celebrate, rather than mourn, this new chapter in my life and embrace the changes that happen when you reach an unexpected bend in the road. HUGE THANK YOU’s to all who participated and made it so special!!! XXOO

Thanks are NOT ENOUGH!!!

I truly can’t thank everyone enough for their outpouring of love, support, and unending generosity. I am so blessed and thankful for everyone’s efforts. My support system is incredible. Everyone has stepped up and contributed so much! Mom, Dad, Beth, Wendy, Auntie Mare, Monika, Larry, Monique, Bill, Kim, Karol and Suzanne and all of my family have been tremendous. You have all made this so much easier on me and Marchus. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!! Friends have stepped up and been so incredible in their support – Michelle, Jill, Connie, Madelynn, Melinda, Janis, Peggy - truly, you are each such a gift to me. My neighbors are incredible – so supportive and thoughtful! Thank you!!! Even people I’ve just met or hardly knew have become heartfelt friends. And big thanks to all who have brought food!!! I’m staying hungry, so we’ll continue to keep eating all that lands on our doorstep. ☺

My Husband

At times like these, relationships and partners either sink or swim. My husband, Marchus, is the Michael Phelps of swimming to the top in these circumstances. He has truly been my rock through all this, supporting me every step of the way and cheering me on. He has the most positive attitude and says all the right things. I’m so fortunate to be married to this truly wonderful man. Thank you, Honey. I love you.

The Poop Doesn't Stop

Having kids means that no matter what is going on in your life, they consistently distract you with their laughter, tears and everyday needs. One thing that really set the stage for me through this whole thing was a couple days after the dreaded diagnosis. I felt awful, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get myself out of bed – I was, in a word, a mess. Marchus convinced me to go with him to have lunch with the kids at the park. So, off we went to pick up sandwiches and (gasp!) a mint chocolate chip milkshake for me – comfort food. ☺
So, about ½ way through lunch at a picnic table in this park full of families, Adam announces that he has to poop. Of course, at this park, there are no bathrooms. We ask if he can wait, and he says he can. Ten minutes later, he’s visibly uncomfortably dancing around. He says he has to poop again. OK, so Marchus runs to the car with Matthew to get wipes, and I try to figure out a place for him to squat. The only available place out of complete view of the other families was to lean him up against the backboard of the horseshoe pit. As we prepare for the inevitable, I realize that I wasn’t fast enough, and he had, in fact, pooped in his underwear, which I deftly (not) removed while trying to keep the poop off the rest of him and get his shoes and pants back on while maintaining his unsupported seated position. He then had the opportunity to finally do what needed to be done.
As I looked down to see Marchus still ½ way down the hill with wipes and a plastic bag, and held my son, telling him everything was OK, I had to laugh – this is life, I thought to myself, and I don’t want to miss one second of it. I scooped the poop, the wipes and the underwear into a plastic bag, tossed them into the garbage can and from that point, decided to pull myself together and look ahead with a positive attitude – enjoying every poop along the way.

Stand Up and Fight

Sometimes life throws you a curveball – you don’t know whether to catch it and throw it back or dodge it, or let it hit you in the head. Getting a cancer diagnosis is like getting hit in the head. And then you realize, you have choices. You can choose to stand up against the invader, or you can fall apart. I am standing up, fully armed to fight the invader and eradicate it from my body.

The story is that I have lumpy boobs to start with and I was still nursing Matthew. The right boob deflated and the left one didn't. I thought it was just clogged ducts - which I've had a lot. I asked my doctor about it and was told that I should have a mammogram 2 - 3 months after I stop breastfeeding. Well, that’s a long wait, so I went in for a mammogram in Feb just in case and it came back suspicious.

We were on vacation in Mexico when the results came in and the doc's office called to get me back in. So, the Monday after we got home, I went to the doctor’s office, who sent me right over to the surgeon's office for a needle biopsy. NOT FUN. Waited 2 days for results that were inconclusive. So, next day, surgical biopsy. Result - cancer. Then appointments with 4 different oncologists for opinions – Napa, St. Helena, Stanford and UCSF, pet/cat scans, breast mri, blood test, heart test, and finally, a treatment plan! The tests show that it has spread to my lymph nodes and I have a few tiny spots on my bones - but all of that is going to be kicked out by the chemo and then some radiation later.

I am being treated at UCSF and am in great hands. I am participating in one of their clinical trials so I get lots of extra attention. I am getting chemo of Taxol and Avastin every week for 3 weeks, then one week off. I get a PET/CAT scan every 8 weeks to see how it is responding. Had my first chemo on friday and already feel shrinkage. It is working! :) I felt fine all weekend except for being really tired on sunday. So, they say that your first response is a good indicator of how you will respond throughout chemo. So, that's great news. I am going to be FINE! :-)

The shock of the diagnosis was the hardest to get over and not having a plan was really difficult – since I am a PLANNER. But now that we have a plan and have these incredible drugs eradicating it from my body, I am feeling really good. This is just a little detour on my road of life - a blip. Soon, it will all be behind me and life will return to normal. Thinking positively is what will get me through this. I would like everyone to join me in thinking positively for my body to be cancer free and to send prayers and blessings into the universe as well.

This experience has reconfirmed for me the value of the love and support of my incredible family and friends. I am truly blessed - I knew it before, and it has again been proven. With everyone thinking positively for successful eradication of cancer from my body, I WILL be cancer free. :-)