In the Interim

These last few weeks of being between chemo and surgery have been a glimpse of normal life. We haven’t had to go to UCSF for the last 2 Fridays and it has been almost 4 weeks since I’ve seen my oncologist. In some ways, it feels good to be somewhat released from the routine of weekly chemo. But in some ways, the continuity and routine were becoming comfortable. Now, in this interim period, I feel like my body is being tested to see how it responds to the Tamoxifen and although I am feeling confident that the results of my scan on October 12 will be good, there is that little window of uncertainty that sneaks in from time to time. So, please send your good wishes and prayers my way that the Tamoxifen is keeping the cancer in check. If the test results show that it has, they will schedule me for surgery… though I have no idea how soon that might happen. They will have to coordinate getting 3 surgeons scheduled and as we move closer to the holidays, that is likely to be even a more complex task. But, I am thinking good thoughts that it will all work out and that the timing of surgery will be perfect.

It has been interesting to be out and about with my new hair. People don’t recognize me at all. I find myself having to stop people as they introduce themselves as if they don’t know me. It is awkward, and I try to lighten it up so that people don’t feel bad that they didn’t know it was me. I am thrilled to be free of the wig and am really enjoying the ease of this new haircut. I’m still getting used to the gray and am hoping that perhaps as it grows, it may change color. But if it doesn’t… I can keep it or I can dye it… After all, it is only hair. (Photos below if you missed the last post)

We had a great trip to San Diego to visit my Dad and Beth, my sister and her family came out too and my cousin and we got to see my cousin and her family as well. We also managed to visit Marchus’s grandmother and aunt, and go to my good friend Serena’s wedding. With the beach right there, their cousins to play with and Gran and Grampy, our kids were in 7th heaven. It was a weekend of birthday celebrations, fun, laughter and catching up - and I am SO glad we made it happen. Of course, it was also exhausting and took some time and a lot of sleep to recover from it all.

This past weekend, we spent at family parties for our niece, Joy’s 4th birthday and our brother in law, Hugh’s birthday. And then the heat wave hit… it has been in the high 90s here this week and we are thankful that Marchus’s parents have hosted us for swimming and dinner the last few nights.

See – normal stuff! It’s great to have some normalcy back in our lives. Now, I just have to get back on that darn treadmill and start getting some energy back. I’ll see my doctor again on Friday, and get the lovely shot of Zolodex in the stomach and an infusion of Zomeda bone builder. I know it sounds bizarre, but I’m looking forward to it. 

Hanging up the Wig

Since I never lost all of my hair – it just got very thin, my hair has started to come back already. I’ve been anxiously awaiting its return and growing tired of wearing my wig every day. It just gets kind of old. So, last week, I had my hairstylist give my real hair a good cut and the end result was presentable enough, I think, to declare my independence from the wig. It’s been interesting to watch as people don’t recognize me since my hair is (a) super short and (b) (gasp!) GRAY! My hair is really fine, like baby hair, so my hairstylist recommended against coloring since it is already chemically treated from the inside. She didn’t want to risk it all falling out again. So, here I am proudly wearing my gray, short pixie cut. The feedback I’ve gotten is largely positive so far. It did take a bit of courage to walk into my office that first day though, feeling kind of naked without my wig. In any event, it is what it is and any hair is a gift. So, for me, there is no such thing as a bad hair day as long as I have hair. 

When I came home with my new haircut, my husband was REALLY supportive and immediately said he liked it. He said the real test is whether Adam, age 4.5, would like it. He’s our resident determiner of style. He was very sweet and said he liked it, though since then, he has told me he likes my long hair better. Kids are so honest. It is really refreshing. I’m also posting a photo of me taken right before I cut my hair off after starting chemo. It really is a change of look. 

So far, taking Tamoxifen hasn’t been too big a deal. I don’t have any major side effects. The only thing I’ve noticed is that my fatigue hasn’t lifted too much and I don’t know if it is just the residual effects of chemo or a result of the Tamoxifen. So, we’ll see if, in time, it goes away. I’m hoping it does.

We are heading for our first airplane trip since my diagnosis in February. We are going to San Diego this weekend to visit my Dad and Beth, my sister and her family, my cousin and her family, and to go to the wedding of a dear friend of mine. I’m excited to get away a little bit and feel like a normal traveling family – a refreshing change from these last months of chemo. I am still just pinching myself that I am done with chemo. I'm holding good thoughts that my cancer remains under control and that I can be scheduled for surgery soon after my next scan on October 12. Keep good thoughts for me. Thanks!!!

Transition to Hormone Therapy

So, Friday, we met with my oncologist who confirmed that I was done with chemo and moving on to the next phase, which is hormone therapy. Although I had a bit of anxiety about ending chemo, it actually has been such a relief to be done and begin moving away from that chemical haze, fatigue, sore throat, runny nose, high blood pressure, bone aches and just generally not feeling all that great. Since I was told I was done with chemo, I have gradually developed more and more confidence in transitioning to the next phase. I am feeling healthier and more energetic than I’ve felt in months and it feels fantastic. You never really realize how good feeling good feels until you can easily compare it to not feeling so great. I’m feeling grateful every day that I am healing and that I have successfully completed the chemo phase. I know there is still a long road ahead, but having been through 5 ½ months of chemo, I think the rest will likely be a bit easier. The funny thing is that I know that the chemo is leaving my system since I got a couple mosquito bites over the weekend. When I was on chemo, they didn’t like me at all. So, the good news is I’m done with chemo. The bad news is that I’m back to being a mosquito magnet. Ha ha. I’ll gladly be mosquito bait any day.

Because my type of cancer is fed by estrogen, it is important to reduce the estrogen in my body as much as possible. This will starve the cancer of what it needs to grow. To do this, they shut down my ovaries from producing estrogen. Largely, this happened as a result of chemo, but to ensure that it continues, they gave me a shot of Zolodex. They had told me several times that they can shut down my ovaries with a shot, but they never elaborated on that, and now I know why. This shot of Zolodex is given to you in the fat of your stomach. It is basically a pellet that is injected with a very large hollow needle. I was less than thrilled to see the needle and the nurse was kind enough to give me a shot of Lidocaine and an ice pack so that I didn’t feel it when she actually gave me the shot. I did feel a bit of soreness later after the Lidocaine wore off. Now I also understand part of the motivation behind my doctor telling me not to lose any more weight because likely she was concerned about there being enough stomach fat to inject that big needle into. Lovely.

The other half of the hormone therapy treatment is Tamoxifen. Tamoxifen is a drug that has been used for the last 20 years or so to treat estrogen- fed breast cancer. Basically, Tamoxifen binds to the cancer cells in the same location that the estrogen would otherwise connect. It’s kind of like putting a key in a lock so that there isn’t room for another key. I’ve taken three Tamoxifen pills over the last three days and although there is a whole laundry list of possible side effects, I haven’t experienced any yet. Perhaps I’ll be lucky and be free of side effects with this. I hope that’s the case because I’ll be likely taking Tamoxifen every day for the next 5 years!

What I was hoping was that we’d be given a surgery date when we went to the oncologist on Friday. However, because they want to be sure that my cancer is stable with hormone therapy, they may want to wait until I have another PET/CT before they schedule me for surgery. I have my next PET/CT scheduled for October 12. There is a possibility that they may be willing to schedule my surgery before that time because it will involve coordinating the schedules of three surgeons. At the same time, they may not be willing to book an operating room for a long surgery like mine will be when there is a possibility that it could be cancelled if my PET/CT shows that the cancer is flaring up (which I am sure will not be the case). So, again, a lesson in patience. Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy my freedom from chemo and getting my energy back!

It truly feels so great to feel like I’m getting back on my feet a little bit. I have to be careful and not over extend myself which is my tendency. We had a block party for a neighbor’s 50th birthday party and it was such fun to be out in the street dancing with neighbors, friends, my fantastic husband and my boys. Truly a blissful way to mark the end of summer – and the end of chemo.

We are heading back to UCSF for my 6th infusion of Zomeda (bone builder) on Friday. It is only a 15 minute infusion, so it’s a long way to go for such a short time at the infusion center. So, since it is our wedding anniversary, Marchus and I will make a date out of it and enjoy celebrating our 5th anniversary and reminiscing about our incredible wedding.

Please keep those prayers and positive wishes coming my way. There is still a long road ahead.