With a lovely Christmas with family behind us, I am looking forward to the end of 2010. Christmas was amazing - to watch the magic in the eyes of the kids was incredible and to spend time with family, feeling so much love, was tremendously healing. Again, I feel so blessed.
I am feeling better each day. The need for pain medication has gradually lessened. I am feeling stronger and more myself every day. I've figured out a way to sleep on my stomach again, which makes me so much more comfortable. I'm still sore most of the time and have limits on what I can do, I am sure these will diminish over time as well.
I found out that I am moving forward to radiation! YAY! My first appointment with my radiation oncologist is on January 18. So, I'll actually begin my 5 weeks of daily radiation the week after. As crazy as it seems, I am so thrilled to have been given the go ahead to move forward to the third phase of this triathelon. Yay!
With the end of 2010, I am hoping that the end of the year is also the end of bad news for me and my family. I know I am not alone in feeling happy to put 2010 behind us. I am counting on 2011 to bring us good news, health and happiness. I hope the same for everyone out there. So, here's to that!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
On the mend!!!
Yesterday, I was back for another post-op visit. It felt like a sci-fi movie. I got the last of my two drains taken out and phew! What a difference! They were so painful and annoying. They were each about 10 inches of plastic tubing that were wound up inside by body. Marchus said he could see them sliding under my skin as the nurse pulled them out. Ick!!! I then got 50cc's injected into each expander. Bizarre! They find the valve with a mini stud finder magnet that locates the metal disk inside the expander. That's where they put the needle in to inject the saline. Marchus said he could see my chest rise as the nurse did it. Such a weird experience. I feel like I am part bionic woman and partly that Barbie doll that was around when I was a kid that when you moved her arm, her boobs grew.
This morning, I felt like I'd spent the night doing bench presses. My chest was sore from the expanders being expanded but a little ibuprofen and a wonderful saran wrap-free and drain-free shower and I'm much better.
It is incredible to realize how knocked down I was just last week. I think that it was really sobering to feel so terrible. I have never experienced such pain and weakness and going through that really amplified all of my fears of the cancer taking me down. It was really an emotional struggle as well as a physical one. But as my husband and family members kept reminding me, I am more removed from having cancer than I was pre-surgery and I am getting better, not worse. Even so, maintaining a positive attitude was more of a struggle post surgery than ever before. Now that I'm feeling better, the positive energy is returning.
Last night, we attended Adam's school Christmas performance. It felt great to be out in a normal setting and to watch proudly as our sweet boy stood on the stage singing Christmas songs with his classmates. It was emotional just to be there and I felt so blessed that I was feeling good enough to attend.
This time has given me the opportunity to also reflect on how much care I have received from my dear family. I am so fortunate. They did everything to help us out and were so intuitive about what needed to be done. This is not a path to walk alone. You need a team of supporters. I know that other people are not so fortunate and don't have such a great team. If anyone you know ever has to go through this, don't wait until they ask for help, just help - whether you take them a meal, offer to spend time with them making them comfortable, organize their medications, do dishes, pick up groceries, anything - pick a task and do it. Asking for help when you are struck down and fighting for your life is really difficult. Don't wait to be asked. Just do it. See, I AM feeling better - I'm getting my bossiness back. Ha ha. :)
This morning, I felt like I'd spent the night doing bench presses. My chest was sore from the expanders being expanded but a little ibuprofen and a wonderful saran wrap-free and drain-free shower and I'm much better.
It is incredible to realize how knocked down I was just last week. I think that it was really sobering to feel so terrible. I have never experienced such pain and weakness and going through that really amplified all of my fears of the cancer taking me down. It was really an emotional struggle as well as a physical one. But as my husband and family members kept reminding me, I am more removed from having cancer than I was pre-surgery and I am getting better, not worse. Even so, maintaining a positive attitude was more of a struggle post surgery than ever before. Now that I'm feeling better, the positive energy is returning.
Last night, we attended Adam's school Christmas performance. It felt great to be out in a normal setting and to watch proudly as our sweet boy stood on the stage singing Christmas songs with his classmates. It was emotional just to be there and I felt so blessed that I was feeling good enough to attend.
This time has given me the opportunity to also reflect on how much care I have received from my dear family. I am so fortunate. They did everything to help us out and were so intuitive about what needed to be done. This is not a path to walk alone. You need a team of supporters. I know that other people are not so fortunate and don't have such a great team. If anyone you know ever has to go through this, don't wait until they ask for help, just help - whether you take them a meal, offer to spend time with them making them comfortable, organize their medications, do dishes, pick up groceries, anything - pick a task and do it. Asking for help when you are struck down and fighting for your life is really difficult. Don't wait to be asked. Just do it. See, I AM feeling better - I'm getting my bossiness back. Ha ha. :)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Slow and Steady
Well, today is the first day since my surgery that I feel even remotely like myself. I know that I was really psyched up for the surgery itself but in hindsight, I was ill prepared for what it would feel like afterwards. It was pretty dramatic for me to go from being capable of so much to overnight being incapable of very much at all. I think that was the most shocking for me. I have been so proud of my little accomplishments - sitting up, brushing my own teeth, typing on the computer - all the things you take for granted. After surgery, I couldn't even lift my hands, I was so weak. Truly, I feel like natural childbirth is a walk in the park compared to this surgery. This has undoubtedly been the most difficult week of my entire life.
My almost 2 days in the hospital was largely unpleasant. Tremendous pain, overloaded nursing staff, miscommunications. I was really happy to come home to my family, though that posed its own challenges of dealing with the pain and trying to navigate through the recovery. I have been so well taken care of this last week and a half by my husband, mom, aunt, dad, stepmom, sister, mother-in-law and kids, and that has really helped me through this difficult time, as have the flowers, cards, emails, text messages etc from family and dear friends. Everyone has been so tremendous and I can’t express enough how fortunate I am to have such support and love in my life. I can't imagine anyone going through this without a great round the clock support team.
On Monday, I had two of my four drains removed. The two they removed were stuck up inside my armpits. One was about 4 “ long, the other 7”. These drains, as well as the removal of the lymphnodes in that area caused tremendous pain. I kept asking Marchus if my armpits were swollen and he said they weren't but now we know why they felt like they were. It made me almost unaware that anything happened in my chest area. I should get my other two drains that are on each of my sides removed on Friday. We folded a tank top back up over itself to make a little kangaroo pouch to hold the drains and I found that wearing another tank top around my middle kept the surgical tubing from sticking to my skin really helped. If nothing else, we’ve also gotten resourceful with all of this.
We will get more information on the pathology report next week and find out whether the plan for radiation as the next step is still what we can expect. I do know that they took out 30 lymphnodes and that my surgeon feels confident that she got rid of all the cancer in there.
I had acupuncture yesterday and it helped a lot! I’m slowly getting up and moving. They encourage walking everyday, so I’ve been back on the treadmill at a slow steady pace. I’m up to 15 minutes at 1 mph. Snailing along now, but I’m building by 2 minutes each day. I can't wait to be back to my daily 2 miles.
My kids have been tremendously sweet and well behaved through all of this. From Adam bringing me his favorite blanket and spreading if over me in bed to tuck me in, to Matthew’s gently laying his head against me in a hug, I have felt the sweetness and love of my little ones all week.
Finally, we couldn’t have gotten through all of this without the help of our incredible nanny, Alice. She has steadfastly held our household together through all of this with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. We love her so dearly and can’t thank her enough. Truly.
My almost 2 days in the hospital was largely unpleasant. Tremendous pain, overloaded nursing staff, miscommunications. I was really happy to come home to my family, though that posed its own challenges of dealing with the pain and trying to navigate through the recovery. I have been so well taken care of this last week and a half by my husband, mom, aunt, dad, stepmom, sister, mother-in-law and kids, and that has really helped me through this difficult time, as have the flowers, cards, emails, text messages etc from family and dear friends. Everyone has been so tremendous and I can’t express enough how fortunate I am to have such support and love in my life. I can't imagine anyone going through this without a great round the clock support team.
On Monday, I had two of my four drains removed. The two they removed were stuck up inside my armpits. One was about 4 “ long, the other 7”. These drains, as well as the removal of the lymphnodes in that area caused tremendous pain. I kept asking Marchus if my armpits were swollen and he said they weren't but now we know why they felt like they were. It made me almost unaware that anything happened in my chest area. I should get my other two drains that are on each of my sides removed on Friday. We folded a tank top back up over itself to make a little kangaroo pouch to hold the drains and I found that wearing another tank top around my middle kept the surgical tubing from sticking to my skin really helped. If nothing else, we’ve also gotten resourceful with all of this.
We will get more information on the pathology report next week and find out whether the plan for radiation as the next step is still what we can expect. I do know that they took out 30 lymphnodes and that my surgeon feels confident that she got rid of all the cancer in there.
I had acupuncture yesterday and it helped a lot! I’m slowly getting up and moving. They encourage walking everyday, so I’ve been back on the treadmill at a slow steady pace. I’m up to 15 minutes at 1 mph. Snailing along now, but I’m building by 2 minutes each day. I can't wait to be back to my daily 2 miles.
My kids have been tremendously sweet and well behaved through all of this. From Adam bringing me his favorite blanket and spreading if over me in bed to tuck me in, to Matthew’s gently laying his head against me in a hug, I have felt the sweetness and love of my little ones all week.
Finally, we couldn’t have gotten through all of this without the help of our incredible nanny, Alice. She has steadfastly held our household together through all of this with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. We love her so dearly and can’t thank her enough. Truly.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Over the Hurdle
I'm over the hurdle and made it to the other side! What a relief! The surgery went well. Evidently it was textbook, which we liked hearing. It took 6.5 hours and then several more in recovery. So I was in my room by 11pm. It was a rough night with a lot of pain and little sleep. On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was a 20. However, as of this afternoon, the pain is largely under control thanks to percoset, motrin and ativan. I'm happy to be off the morphine! I've managed to get up a few times though it is pretty challenging. It is getting better and I'm planning a few laps down the hall this afternoon. I'll be going home tomorrow and then its the slow steady recovery.
Surgery is Over
On Julianne's behalf, I am happy to report that her surgery yesterday went well, and she is resting as comfortably as possible at the hospital. She would be happy to hear from friends via text or email, though may not reply at this time. She thanks you all for your support.
- Wendy (her sister)
- Wendy (her sister)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Feeling Ready!!!
Tomorrow, I have my pre-op appointments. As odd as it may sounds, I am getting excited about having surgery on monday. I think I have done a pretty good job of psyching myself up for it. When I was first diagnosed, the idea of surgery gave me enough anxiety to make me physically sick. Now, having had the time to process the concept and fight through chemo, I am ready. After all, it is 9 months since my diagnosis, so I've had the time to process the whole idea.
I feel confident in this next step in the process of ridding my body of cancer and being able to move forward. I am able to laugh about getting new boobs. I do find it pretty entertaining actually. :) Mine have served me well having nourished my two babies, and I am ready to say goodbye to them and get some new ones. So, with the strength of my incredible support team, I am really ready! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I feel so blessed!
I feel confident in this next step in the process of ridding my body of cancer and being able to move forward. I am able to laugh about getting new boobs. I do find it pretty entertaining actually. :) Mine have served me well having nourished my two babies, and I am ready to say goodbye to them and get some new ones. So, with the strength of my incredible support team, I am really ready! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I feel so blessed!
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