Having been so closely watched and analyzed by my medical team over the last year, I was buoyed by my oncologist telling me that she doesn't need to see me for two months AND that she is recommending FOUR months until my next scan. This from a doctor who is very conservative and always preparing for the next step. It has taken awhile for this to sink in that she isn't worried about me and expects me to live "for a long time." YAY!!! So, now I am slowly getting my energy back again and sorting through what just happened to my life in the last 15 months. Talk about feeling derailed!
So, as part of trying to find my way back, I volunteered to participate in the Reach for the Stars fashion show benefitting the local cancer wellness center. The practices for the show began only 5 days after my ovary removal surgery, so I was still feeling a bit out of it and not myself while trying to learn how to "walk with purpose." I felt more disconnected from my body than ever. Having been poked, prodded, sliced, radiated and feeling toxic from all of my treatment, I just felt further and further removed from my body over time. I wore clothes that hid me from the world. So, participating in a fashion show was as far from my comfort zone as I could reach. However, spending time with these incredible women, all of whom are cancer survivors, and learning how to walk the runway with the tremendous support of everyone involved compelled me to step out of the box and my comfort zone and celebrate all that my body has achieved in not only sustaining me through the grueling months of treatment but in healing so well and kicking that cancer out!
For me, the fashion show wasn't about fashion or clothes, but about finding a way to navigate the world proudly in the aftermath of so much physical and emotional pain. It was about stepping into the light and allowing myself to shine. I so appreciate the support and cheering of my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my friends - Jill, Serena and her husband Greg, Madelynn and Peggy, my co-workers Carolyn, Terri and Eileen, as well as my new friends on the runway, backstage, and in the audience. It was an incredible experience!
