Waiting for a flight makes you anxious… waiting for a delivery can make you frustrated… waiting for your doctor to call you with results from the Tumor Board that will determine the course of your medical care that will save your life is probably one of the most stressful periods of someone’s life. The Tumor Board met on Monday morning at 9am. I didn’t hear from my doctor about their recommendation until Wednesday at 2pm. And even then, I was just told that they recommended my having surgery – this alone is cause for celebration because it means I am moving toward being cancer free. However, I am still waiting for that elusive surgery date. First, I have to have an appointment with my surgeon and THEN she will write up surgical orders from which they can schedule me. It seems like nothing moves quickly and nothing moves according to my ideal timeline… and so, all I can do is wait some more.
While it is great news that I am heading to surgery, and I never in my wildest imagination ever thought I’d be wanting to have surgery so badly, it is difficult to be in this interim phase of being between chemo and surgery and just waiting for the next thing to happen. I am so ready to go under the knife and get this cancer out of my body. I feel like once I am over that hurdle, I can really look toward complete recovery with radiation and my tamoxifen doing their job to ensure I am cured.
Meanwhile, since it feels like I can’t plan anything since I don’t know when my surgery will be, I am trying to plan things for the near term – like going to the pumpkin patch, Matthew’s first real haircut, visiting with friends and my sister who are coming to town, and trying to keep my work moving forward.
I’ve really been on the fence about the hair color thing and what I have come to is this: I am not ready to be gray and I feel like the gray is a reminder of how my body failed me. I also know that I will always have the option of going back to gray at some point should I choose to do so – it isn’t like my hair is going to change. So, I’ve made an appointment for some hair color. I’ll go gray again when my boys are older and it feels right for me.
In other news, looks like the Giants have a good shot at the World Series. My husband is beside himself with glee. Should be exciting in the world of baseball in the next few days!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Scan Results – well, kind of…
So, Tuesday, I had my PET/CT. I think that was my 6th one – not that I’m counting. The scan process has become rather routine. Injection with radioactive glucose and then the snooze in the tube. My mom was here and waiting for me. The tech guy running the machine told me he’d go get my “friend”. Every time prior, they’d presumed she was my mom. I think my gray hair threw them off…
Anyhow, after the scan, my mom, Marchus, the boys and I went out for sushi which was a special treat. It made the scan less of a big deal to have it be only part of our day’s plans. That afternoon, Adam and I were in line at Peet’s coffee. Adam told the woman in line in front of us that his Grammy was visiting and brought her dog. The woman looks at me and asks me if the dog came on the plane…. She assumed that I was Adam’s Grandmother! That’s twice in one day, maybe it was because I was radioactive, but I think it was the gray - which made for some good conversation… And then the waiting began yesterday morning.
Waiting for the phone to ring is unpleasant no matter how you slice it. It makes you feel anxious and stressed when you are waiting for news that could determine the path your life might take. Waiting all day and into the next is, well, brutal. You go through so many thoughts and scenarios in your head, each one trumping the last one and you can’t discuss it because you know you are being crazy. So, you wait.
Finally, at 2:10pm today, the email came through. My scan showed no activity in my bones *YAY*, there was no increase in size of anything *YAY* *YAY*, there was increased metabolic activity in the breast mass and the lymphnodes *HMMMM*. Of course, the neither the report nor the brief email from my doctor explained the significance of these results or the expectations they were hoping for and whether this met those expectations. So, I was left with more questions. Upon further inquiry with my doctor, as well as the synchronicity of my sister being on the sidelines of the soccer field with her friend who is both a breast cancer survivor, a doctor, and married to an oncologist, some clarity began to emerge.
So, my understanding at this point is that it is GREAT that there is no activity in my bones and no spread of disease since I stopped chemo. Some increase in metabolic activity is to be expected since it is no longer being suppressed by the chemo. So, all good news, I think.
I will find out more after the Tumor Board reviews the situation again on Monday. What I am hoping is that my doctor calls me with a surgery date so that I can get this stuff out of my body and get those new boobs I’ve been promised.
Thank you everyone for hanging in there with me and sending me your good wishes through these stressful few days. As always, this cancer ride is a roller coaster. But we’re hanging on tightly and heading through the next few loops to get to the finish line…. Meanwhile, I am debating the pros and cons of dyeing my hair… any thoughts???
Anyhow, after the scan, my mom, Marchus, the boys and I went out for sushi which was a special treat. It made the scan less of a big deal to have it be only part of our day’s plans. That afternoon, Adam and I were in line at Peet’s coffee. Adam told the woman in line in front of us that his Grammy was visiting and brought her dog. The woman looks at me and asks me if the dog came on the plane…. She assumed that I was Adam’s Grandmother! That’s twice in one day, maybe it was because I was radioactive, but I think it was the gray - which made for some good conversation… And then the waiting began yesterday morning.
Waiting for the phone to ring is unpleasant no matter how you slice it. It makes you feel anxious and stressed when you are waiting for news that could determine the path your life might take. Waiting all day and into the next is, well, brutal. You go through so many thoughts and scenarios in your head, each one trumping the last one and you can’t discuss it because you know you are being crazy. So, you wait.
Finally, at 2:10pm today, the email came through. My scan showed no activity in my bones *YAY*, there was no increase in size of anything *YAY* *YAY*, there was increased metabolic activity in the breast mass and the lymphnodes *HMMMM*. Of course, the neither the report nor the brief email from my doctor explained the significance of these results or the expectations they were hoping for and whether this met those expectations. So, I was left with more questions. Upon further inquiry with my doctor, as well as the synchronicity of my sister being on the sidelines of the soccer field with her friend who is both a breast cancer survivor, a doctor, and married to an oncologist, some clarity began to emerge.
So, my understanding at this point is that it is GREAT that there is no activity in my bones and no spread of disease since I stopped chemo. Some increase in metabolic activity is to be expected since it is no longer being suppressed by the chemo. So, all good news, I think.
I will find out more after the Tumor Board reviews the situation again on Monday. What I am hoping is that my doctor calls me with a surgery date so that I can get this stuff out of my body and get those new boobs I’ve been promised.
Thank you everyone for hanging in there with me and sending me your good wishes through these stressful few days. As always, this cancer ride is a roller coaster. But we’re hanging on tightly and heading through the next few loops to get to the finish line…. Meanwhile, I am debating the pros and cons of dyeing my hair… any thoughts???
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Heading to Another Scan
Friday, I had a great visit with my oncologist who continues to be very upbeat and positive about how I'm doing. Of course, she won't know for sure until after the next scan, but just her attitude makes me feel good about how things are going because she hasn't always been so positive. I also got another infusion of Zomeda, the bone builder, and another shot in the stomach of Zolodex. We got assigned the nurse that I had difficulty with on Chemo Infusion #13, so Marchus, wonderful husband that he is, spoke to one of our favorite nurses who then intervened and took care of getting my IV started and doing my Zolodex shot. It is strange to go to the infusion center and not be camped out for the whole afternoon. With Zomeda and Zolodex, we're done in an hour. We stopped and had a lovely lunch on the way home.
Next Tuesday, October 12 at 10am, I have another PET/CT scan. This scan will tell us if my cancer is stable with the Zolodex and Tamoxifen I’ve been doing since finishing chemo 5 weeks ago. I am really hoping and praying that it is all stable. Either way, I think I’ll be discussed at Tumor Board on the 18th. I’m hoping it is just to confirm the plan for surgery and then radiation. At the same time, I can’t help but have some anxiety about that possibility that the cancer is growing. I don’t feel it growing. It seems to be the same to me. But the crazy thing about having cancer is that with every sore muscle or persistent cough or twinge in a joint, your mind instantly goes to it being cancer. I know that’s ridiculous and that in every likelihood, it is not. It’s just that’s where your mind goes and then you have to talk yourself out of it. That coupled with the anxiety of what the scan may say makes for a crazy week before the scan. So, I’m trying to stay distracted and fortunately for me, between work and my kids, that’s not hard.
If I do get to have surgery (which sounds odd), they will likely be able to schedule me for surgery in Mid to Late November. It surprised me that it could be so soon, but I was happy to hear it. It would be SO nice to get that next phase of the triathlon done before the holidays and be on the road to radiation by New Years. Then I’d be done with the whole triathlon by the one year anniversary of my diagnosis in February.
In my non-medical life, I’ve been feeling great! I’ve gotten back on the treadmill again doing a couple miles at a time. I’m not breaking any records, but I’m feeling good just getting a little bit of exercise. But, of course, since I'm out of shape, getting that exercise means there is potential to have sore muscles and joints later which as I mentioned above is anxiety producing, though I know it shouldn't be.
We had a great weekend spending time with Marchus’s mom, sister and her kids on Saturday. The boys all had a tremendous time playing together (5 boys ages 5 and under) and we all enjoyed Marchus’s cooking. Sunday, we went with our friends, Cherie and Todd, and their kids to the Cool Patch Pumpkins patch in Dixon where we embarked on a two hour adventure through a 45 acre corn maze. I’ve wanted to do the corn maze for 6 years, and we finally made it! It was such a great experience trying to navigate our way through using our map and the coordinates posted amidst the corn. So much fun! I can’t wait to go again next year!
My hair continues to be gray and people who haven’t seen me yet continue to not recognize me. I find it entertaining that I’m incognito. It is even funny for me to see my own reflection. My image of myself is still with long brown curly hair. Adam has told me that he likes my hair brown, not white. I love that kids can be so honest.
Monday is Columbus Day. One of the bonuses of working for the government is that for us, it is a paid holiday. This means that I get to take my kids to their music class and karate – which I never get to do because I’m at work. I am really looking forward to it.
Hopefully, when I post again next week, I’ll be able to share some good news. Please keep me in your prayers and send good thoughts my way for wonderful scan results showing that the cancer is all stable or has shrunk further. Thanks for all of your support!!! If all goes well, I’ll soon be able to start planning my CURED party!!! YAY!!!
Next Tuesday, October 12 at 10am, I have another PET/CT scan. This scan will tell us if my cancer is stable with the Zolodex and Tamoxifen I’ve been doing since finishing chemo 5 weeks ago. I am really hoping and praying that it is all stable. Either way, I think I’ll be discussed at Tumor Board on the 18th. I’m hoping it is just to confirm the plan for surgery and then radiation. At the same time, I can’t help but have some anxiety about that possibility that the cancer is growing. I don’t feel it growing. It seems to be the same to me. But the crazy thing about having cancer is that with every sore muscle or persistent cough or twinge in a joint, your mind instantly goes to it being cancer. I know that’s ridiculous and that in every likelihood, it is not. It’s just that’s where your mind goes and then you have to talk yourself out of it. That coupled with the anxiety of what the scan may say makes for a crazy week before the scan. So, I’m trying to stay distracted and fortunately for me, between work and my kids, that’s not hard.
If I do get to have surgery (which sounds odd), they will likely be able to schedule me for surgery in Mid to Late November. It surprised me that it could be so soon, but I was happy to hear it. It would be SO nice to get that next phase of the triathlon done before the holidays and be on the road to radiation by New Years. Then I’d be done with the whole triathlon by the one year anniversary of my diagnosis in February.
In my non-medical life, I’ve been feeling great! I’ve gotten back on the treadmill again doing a couple miles at a time. I’m not breaking any records, but I’m feeling good just getting a little bit of exercise. But, of course, since I'm out of shape, getting that exercise means there is potential to have sore muscles and joints later which as I mentioned above is anxiety producing, though I know it shouldn't be.
We had a great weekend spending time with Marchus’s mom, sister and her kids on Saturday. The boys all had a tremendous time playing together (5 boys ages 5 and under) and we all enjoyed Marchus’s cooking. Sunday, we went with our friends, Cherie and Todd, and their kids to the Cool Patch Pumpkins patch in Dixon where we embarked on a two hour adventure through a 45 acre corn maze. I’ve wanted to do the corn maze for 6 years, and we finally made it! It was such a great experience trying to navigate our way through using our map and the coordinates posted amidst the corn. So much fun! I can’t wait to go again next year!
My hair continues to be gray and people who haven’t seen me yet continue to not recognize me. I find it entertaining that I’m incognito. It is even funny for me to see my own reflection. My image of myself is still with long brown curly hair. Adam has told me that he likes my hair brown, not white. I love that kids can be so honest.
Monday is Columbus Day. One of the bonuses of working for the government is that for us, it is a paid holiday. This means that I get to take my kids to their music class and karate – which I never get to do because I’m at work. I am really looking forward to it.
Hopefully, when I post again next week, I’ll be able to share some good news. Please keep me in your prayers and send good thoughts my way for wonderful scan results showing that the cancer is all stable or has shrunk further. Thanks for all of your support!!! If all goes well, I’ll soon be able to start planning my CURED party!!! YAY!!!
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