Slow and Steady

Well, today is the first day since my surgery that I feel even remotely like myself. I know that I was really psyched up for the surgery itself but in hindsight, I was ill prepared for what it would feel like afterwards. It was pretty dramatic for me to go from being capable of so much to overnight being incapable of very much at all. I think that was the most shocking for me. I have been so proud of my little accomplishments - sitting up, brushing my own teeth, typing on the computer - all the things you take for granted. After surgery, I couldn't even lift my hands, I was so weak. Truly, I feel like natural childbirth is a walk in the park compared to this surgery. This has undoubtedly been the most difficult week of my entire life.

My almost 2 days in the hospital was largely unpleasant. Tremendous pain, overloaded nursing staff, miscommunications. I was really happy to come home to my family, though that posed its own challenges of dealing with the pain and trying to navigate through the recovery. I have been so well taken care of this last week and a half by my husband, mom, aunt, dad, stepmom, sister, mother-in-law and kids, and that has really helped me through this difficult time, as have the flowers, cards, emails, text messages etc from family and dear friends. Everyone has been so tremendous and I can’t express enough how fortunate I am to have such support and love in my life. I can't imagine anyone going through this without a great round the clock support team.

On Monday, I had two of my four drains removed. The two they removed were stuck up inside my armpits. One was about 4 “ long, the other 7”. These drains, as well as the removal of the lymphnodes in that area caused tremendous pain. I kept asking Marchus if my armpits were swollen and he said they weren't but now we know why they felt like they were. It made me almost unaware that anything happened in my chest area. I should get my other two drains that are on each of my sides removed on Friday. We folded a tank top back up over itself to make a little kangaroo pouch to hold the drains and I found that wearing another tank top around my middle kept the surgical tubing from sticking to my skin really helped. If nothing else, we’ve also gotten resourceful with all of this.

We will get more information on the pathology report next week and find out whether the plan for radiation as the next step is still what we can expect. I do know that they took out 30 lymphnodes and that my surgeon feels confident that she got rid of all the cancer in there.

I had acupuncture yesterday and it helped a lot! I’m slowly getting up and moving. They encourage walking everyday, so I’ve been back on the treadmill at a slow steady pace. I’m up to 15 minutes at 1 mph. Snailing along now, but I’m building by 2 minutes each day. I can't wait to be back to my daily 2 miles.

My kids have been tremendously sweet and well behaved through all of this. From Adam bringing me his favorite blanket and spreading if over me in bed to tuck me in, to Matthew’s gently laying his head against me in a hug, I have felt the sweetness and love of my little ones all week.

Finally, we couldn’t have gotten through all of this without the help of our incredible nanny, Alice. She has steadfastly held our household together through all of this with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. We love her so dearly and can’t thank her enough. Truly.