Now What?

OK, so I’ve been back to work for two weeks now and I guess daily life is becoming more routine. I am slowly getting my energy back after surgery and radiation. Of course, it is returning more slowly than I would like – challenging my patience once again. It is an odd transition to go from so much medical stuff to a fairly open medical appointment calendar. I do go back for follow up appointments on April 11, and then a PET/CT scan on the 15th, along with my infusion of Zometa bone builder and Faslodex (hormone therapy) shots.

The weeks before the PET/CT scan are always stressful – all the worrying and wondering. I should be used to it by now. But I’m not. In talking with other survivors, it seems that although you learn to cope a little better with the PET/CT scans, you never really get casual about it. I guess that’s understandable considering that it has the potential to deliver such life altering information. In any event, I am hoping that this next scan shows that I am free from cancer. That would be phenomenal news. At the same time, the more I think about it and even though I still feel really positively about my body’s ability to fight off the cancer, I don’t know that a clear scan will give me complete comfort. I guess once you have had cancer, the fear of it returning is always in the back of your mind – no matter how hard you try to push it out. Believe me, I’ve tried. So, then I just rationalize that there are lots of treatment options out there and that the doctors are remaining positive in my prognosis, so that, worst case scenario, there could be more chemo in my future at some point. And having been down that road before, I know that I can and will do it again should the need arise. I’d just rather it never, ever be needed.

I’ve come to recognize that just adjusting to life after psyching yourself up for such a tremendous year-long fight is just that, an adjustment. So, I focus on the beauty of sunny spring days, the delight and joy of my boys, the love of my husband, family and friends – and I appreciate all of these things so much more because I am constantly reminded of how lucky I truly am. Each day is a gift. (And I kind of wish I wasn’t spending so many of those days in my office – ha ha).

When I was in the middle of doing radiation, I was interviewed by a reporter from the San Francisco Chronicle. The article is here:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/07/DD1B1HKAVH.DTL

What the article didn’t mention is how successful I have been in beating back the cancer. When I realize how dire my diagnosis was, it clearly reminds me of how far I’ve come since then. I kind of wish the article had mentioned that it is all working and that my prognosis is good because I think that would further encourage people to play a role in their treatment and not just leave it up to the doctors. Patients should feel empowered to work in conjunction with their medical team to do whatever they can to help facilitate their body’s healing.

My friend and fellow survivor encouraged me to participate in the "Reach for the Stars" fashion show benefitting the Cancer Wellness Center at the Queen of the Valley Hospital here in Napa. All of the models in the show are cancer survivors and it is quite a production with practices, model coaches, stylists, clothes coordinators and the whole thing. I’m hoping it helps me get back some of what I feel like I’ve lost through all of this cancer treatment – getting out of “frump mode”, as well as make some more friends who have been through it. Information on the event is here:

http://www.queensfoundation.org/view/SpecialEvents/reach

The show is April 30 at 11am at the Meritage Resort in Napa for anyone interested in attending. The pink fire trucks will be there as well! I will try to post some photos of it sometime in May. Happy Spring!!!