This summer, we lost my cousin Karol to cancer. She fought a valiant fight and insprired me tremendously as my cancer fighting partner. I feel tremendous sadness that she didn't win her fight as I always expected that she would. I know she is in a better place now and free from pain, but I miss her and I know her passing has been such a loss for all of her family and friends.
At the end of August, I had another scan. It had been 4.5 months since the last one and because I am still feeling so good, I didn't have the anxiety that preceded all of the previous scans. I was thrilled to hear from my oncologist that this scan also showed NO EVIDENCE OF METABOLIC ACTIVITY. YAY! Another fantastic report! I think it goes without saying that I am still walking on air with this result!
I have my last surgery in two weeks - on October 6 - to replace the expanders with permanent implants. It should be a pretty straightforward surgery and I should be home that evening. I'm looking forward to it because it signifies the end of "treatment" and moving on to just being on "maintenance." It's been such a journey and I feel so fortunate to have such great results, despite the rocky road and many hills and valleys traveled.
I do still want to celebrate the completion of my treatment and my success in ridding my body of the invader. In thinking about it, I think one of the best ways to celebrate is to find a way to give back and support others in their fight. So, I'm hoping that everyone will join me in July 2012 by participating in Relay for Life here in Napa. Relay is a 24 hour event to raise awareness and money for the American Cancer Society. I participated in 2010 during chemo and it was a transformative experience. So, I'm going to captain a team next year and I hope you will come and join me to celebrate my health while supporting this great cause. Check back here for more information. It will be quite a party!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Kicking Cancer and Kickin' Back
So, it's been a couple months since I got my scan results that there is NO ACTIVE CANCER IN MY BODY... and I think it is finally, finally sinking into my head. It does take some time to get your head around these things - even though the news is exactly what you want to hear, you don't actually "get it" right away. There is the initial celebration and then the processing of this information that takes time.
My last doctor's appointment with my oncologist was very upbeat and happy. She thinks I am doing great and has changed her language from "when you need more treatment" to "if and when..." I know it is crazy, but being in my shoes, you hang on every word - every change in vocabulary and word usage can be cause for elation or devastation. I like that she is using "if and when" rather than "when" because that tells me that she isn't expecting it, but is prepared for it IF it happens. She also told us that "if and when" I needed more treatment, very likely, she wouldn't be jumping right into chemo because there are some treatments that can be given in pill form that are proving to be quite effective. The world of cancer treatment is changing at a rapid pace giving all of us hope that the word "cancer" will not be one that strikes fear into the hearts of our children, but rather is something easily treatable in the not so distant future.
I'm happy to also report that my energy level is rebounding and I am feeling better than I can remember. I think that my body has been fighting this cancer for a very long time and without having to fight it anymore, I am gaining strength, endurance and just generally feeling a whole lot more capable than I can remember. I do still get tired sometimes, but nothing at all like before. I'm keeping up with exercise, acupuncture, my diet (though I cheat sometimes) and just generally enjoying the amazing life I am so blessed to live.
We are planning some summer family trips, the boys are swimming and doing soccer, summer is finally here and LIFE IS GOOD... I have so much to be thankful for and feel so blessed. Thanks to all for your support and love. This is a success story not just for me, but for you as well - WE DID IT!!! We KICKED cancer's ass!!! Woo-hoo!!! OK so about that party... I guess I better start thinking about it!
My last doctor's appointment with my oncologist was very upbeat and happy. She thinks I am doing great and has changed her language from "when you need more treatment" to "if and when..." I know it is crazy, but being in my shoes, you hang on every word - every change in vocabulary and word usage can be cause for elation or devastation. I like that she is using "if and when" rather than "when" because that tells me that she isn't expecting it, but is prepared for it IF it happens. She also told us that "if and when" I needed more treatment, very likely, she wouldn't be jumping right into chemo because there are some treatments that can be given in pill form that are proving to be quite effective. The world of cancer treatment is changing at a rapid pace giving all of us hope that the word "cancer" will not be one that strikes fear into the hearts of our children, but rather is something easily treatable in the not so distant future.
I'm happy to also report that my energy level is rebounding and I am feeling better than I can remember. I think that my body has been fighting this cancer for a very long time and without having to fight it anymore, I am gaining strength, endurance and just generally feeling a whole lot more capable than I can remember. I do still get tired sometimes, but nothing at all like before. I'm keeping up with exercise, acupuncture, my diet (though I cheat sometimes) and just generally enjoying the amazing life I am so blessed to live.
We are planning some summer family trips, the boys are swimming and doing soccer, summer is finally here and LIFE IS GOOD... I have so much to be thankful for and feel so blessed. Thanks to all for your support and love. This is a success story not just for me, but for you as well - WE DID IT!!! We KICKED cancer's ass!!! Woo-hoo!!! OK so about that party... I guess I better start thinking about it!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Stepping into the Light
Having been so closely watched and analyzed by my medical team over the last year, I was buoyed by my oncologist telling me that she doesn't need to see me for two months AND that she is recommending FOUR months until my next scan. This from a doctor who is very conservative and always preparing for the next step. It has taken awhile for this to sink in that she isn't worried about me and expects me to live "for a long time." YAY!!! So, now I am slowly getting my energy back again and sorting through what just happened to my life in the last 15 months. Talk about feeling derailed!
So, as part of trying to find my way back, I volunteered to participate in the Reach for the Stars fashion show benefitting the local cancer wellness center. The practices for the show began only 5 days after my ovary removal surgery, so I was still feeling a bit out of it and not myself while trying to learn how to "walk with purpose." I felt more disconnected from my body than ever. Having been poked, prodded, sliced, radiated and feeling toxic from all of my treatment, I just felt further and further removed from my body over time. I wore clothes that hid me from the world. So, participating in a fashion show was as far from my comfort zone as I could reach. However, spending time with these incredible women, all of whom are cancer survivors, and learning how to walk the runway with the tremendous support of everyone involved compelled me to step out of the box and my comfort zone and celebrate all that my body has achieved in not only sustaining me through the grueling months of treatment but in healing so well and kicking that cancer out!
For me, the fashion show wasn't about fashion or clothes, but about finding a way to navigate the world proudly in the aftermath of so much physical and emotional pain. It was about stepping into the light and allowing myself to shine. I so appreciate the support and cheering of my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my friends - Jill, Serena and her husband Greg, Madelynn and Peggy, my co-workers Carolyn, Terri and Eileen, as well as my new friends on the runway, backstage, and in the audience. It was an incredible experience!
So, as part of trying to find my way back, I volunteered to participate in the Reach for the Stars fashion show benefitting the local cancer wellness center. The practices for the show began only 5 days after my ovary removal surgery, so I was still feeling a bit out of it and not myself while trying to learn how to "walk with purpose." I felt more disconnected from my body than ever. Having been poked, prodded, sliced, radiated and feeling toxic from all of my treatment, I just felt further and further removed from my body over time. I wore clothes that hid me from the world. So, participating in a fashion show was as far from my comfort zone as I could reach. However, spending time with these incredible women, all of whom are cancer survivors, and learning how to walk the runway with the tremendous support of everyone involved compelled me to step out of the box and my comfort zone and celebrate all that my body has achieved in not only sustaining me through the grueling months of treatment but in healing so well and kicking that cancer out!
For me, the fashion show wasn't about fashion or clothes, but about finding a way to navigate the world proudly in the aftermath of so much physical and emotional pain. It was about stepping into the light and allowing myself to shine. I so appreciate the support and cheering of my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my friends - Jill, Serena and her husband Greg, Madelynn and Peggy, my co-workers Carolyn, Terri and Eileen, as well as my new friends on the runway, backstage, and in the audience. It was an incredible experience!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Happy Dance!!!
I had my PET/CT scan on Friday. We then got to endure the grueling weekend of waiting for the report. My oncology nurse finally called mid-day yesterday with the news that the lymphnodes that showed up on the prior scan are smaller and not lighting up anymore, my bones appear to be healing and that there is NO ACTIVE CANCER in my body!!! Woo-Hoo!!! I found myself bursting into happy tears for the rest of the day, and still am adjusting to this tremendously FANTASTIC news. Marchus and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate! We realized we hadn’t been out for a date night since Marchus' birthday in early December. It was a wonderful evening with us both giddy with happiness.
It is taking awhile for this news to sink in. We’ve been in fighting mode and feeling as if the ground underneath us was unstable for the last 14 months. Having been diagnosed as Stage IV - the possibility that I could be cancer - free seemed at times, unreachable. I am so happy to report that it is possible to come back from a Stage IV diagnosis to having no active cancer. This should give hope to many, many people battling this disease. It is possible. I did it!!!
Of course, in anticipation of the scan and waiting for the results, our minds were reeling through all of the possibilities of what it could have shown. To get this report is truly such a gift to us and our families. At the same time, we are mindful that although the cancer has retreated, we will always be on alert and fighting it through hormone therapy indefinitely. Still, this is the best that could be imagined and we are walking on air.
We’re meeting with my oncologist on Friday, who I’m sure will provide us with more information and some kind of reality check on what we can anticipate in the future. I’m hoping that she doesn’t burst my bubble too much. In the meanwhile, I will bask in the glow of knowing that my body is healthier than it has been in years and enjoy putting my worries and fears up on the shelf.
Thank you to all who have prayed, sent healthy thoughts my way and have been supporting me through this journey. You have significantly contributed to my success! The journey isn’t over, but hopefully, the hard part is complete and it will be smooth sailing from here on. I'll keep posting!
It is taking awhile for this news to sink in. We’ve been in fighting mode and feeling as if the ground underneath us was unstable for the last 14 months. Having been diagnosed as Stage IV - the possibility that I could be cancer - free seemed at times, unreachable. I am so happy to report that it is possible to come back from a Stage IV diagnosis to having no active cancer. This should give hope to many, many people battling this disease. It is possible. I did it!!!
Of course, in anticipation of the scan and waiting for the results, our minds were reeling through all of the possibilities of what it could have shown. To get this report is truly such a gift to us and our families. At the same time, we are mindful that although the cancer has retreated, we will always be on alert and fighting it through hormone therapy indefinitely. Still, this is the best that could be imagined and we are walking on air.
We’re meeting with my oncologist on Friday, who I’m sure will provide us with more information and some kind of reality check on what we can anticipate in the future. I’m hoping that she doesn’t burst my bubble too much. In the meanwhile, I will bask in the glow of knowing that my body is healthier than it has been in years and enjoy putting my worries and fears up on the shelf.
Thank you to all who have prayed, sent healthy thoughts my way and have been supporting me through this journey. You have significantly contributed to my success! The journey isn’t over, but hopefully, the hard part is complete and it will be smooth sailing from here on. I'll keep posting!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Now What?
OK, so I’ve been back to work for two weeks now and I guess daily life is becoming more routine. I am slowly getting my energy back after surgery and radiation. Of course, it is returning more slowly than I would like – challenging my patience once again. It is an odd transition to go from so much medical stuff to a fairly open medical appointment calendar. I do go back for follow up appointments on April 11, and then a PET/CT scan on the 15th, along with my infusion of Zometa bone builder and Faslodex (hormone therapy) shots.
The weeks before the PET/CT scan are always stressful – all the worrying and wondering. I should be used to it by now. But I’m not. In talking with other survivors, it seems that although you learn to cope a little better with the PET/CT scans, you never really get casual about it. I guess that’s understandable considering that it has the potential to deliver such life altering information. In any event, I am hoping that this next scan shows that I am free from cancer. That would be phenomenal news. At the same time, the more I think about it and even though I still feel really positively about my body’s ability to fight off the cancer, I don’t know that a clear scan will give me complete comfort. I guess once you have had cancer, the fear of it returning is always in the back of your mind – no matter how hard you try to push it out. Believe me, I’ve tried. So, then I just rationalize that there are lots of treatment options out there and that the doctors are remaining positive in my prognosis, so that, worst case scenario, there could be more chemo in my future at some point. And having been down that road before, I know that I can and will do it again should the need arise. I’d just rather it never, ever be needed.
I’ve come to recognize that just adjusting to life after psyching yourself up for such a tremendous year-long fight is just that, an adjustment. So, I focus on the beauty of sunny spring days, the delight and joy of my boys, the love of my husband, family and friends – and I appreciate all of these things so much more because I am constantly reminded of how lucky I truly am. Each day is a gift. (And I kind of wish I wasn’t spending so many of those days in my office – ha ha).
When I was in the middle of doing radiation, I was interviewed by a reporter from the San Francisco Chronicle. The article is here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/07/DD1B1HKAVH.DTL
What the article didn’t mention is how successful I have been in beating back the cancer. When I realize how dire my diagnosis was, it clearly reminds me of how far I’ve come since then. I kind of wish the article had mentioned that it is all working and that my prognosis is good because I think that would further encourage people to play a role in their treatment and not just leave it up to the doctors. Patients should feel empowered to work in conjunction with their medical team to do whatever they can to help facilitate their body’s healing.
My friend and fellow survivor encouraged me to participate in the "Reach for the Stars" fashion show benefitting the Cancer Wellness Center at the Queen of the Valley Hospital here in Napa. All of the models in the show are cancer survivors and it is quite a production with practices, model coaches, stylists, clothes coordinators and the whole thing. I’m hoping it helps me get back some of what I feel like I’ve lost through all of this cancer treatment – getting out of “frump mode”, as well as make some more friends who have been through it. Information on the event is here:
http://www.queensfoundation.org/view/SpecialEvents/reach
The show is April 30 at 11am at the Meritage Resort in Napa for anyone interested in attending. The pink fire trucks will be there as well! I will try to post some photos of it sometime in May. Happy Spring!!!
The weeks before the PET/CT scan are always stressful – all the worrying and wondering. I should be used to it by now. But I’m not. In talking with other survivors, it seems that although you learn to cope a little better with the PET/CT scans, you never really get casual about it. I guess that’s understandable considering that it has the potential to deliver such life altering information. In any event, I am hoping that this next scan shows that I am free from cancer. That would be phenomenal news. At the same time, the more I think about it and even though I still feel really positively about my body’s ability to fight off the cancer, I don’t know that a clear scan will give me complete comfort. I guess once you have had cancer, the fear of it returning is always in the back of your mind – no matter how hard you try to push it out. Believe me, I’ve tried. So, then I just rationalize that there are lots of treatment options out there and that the doctors are remaining positive in my prognosis, so that, worst case scenario, there could be more chemo in my future at some point. And having been down that road before, I know that I can and will do it again should the need arise. I’d just rather it never, ever be needed.
I’ve come to recognize that just adjusting to life after psyching yourself up for such a tremendous year-long fight is just that, an adjustment. So, I focus on the beauty of sunny spring days, the delight and joy of my boys, the love of my husband, family and friends – and I appreciate all of these things so much more because I am constantly reminded of how lucky I truly am. Each day is a gift. (And I kind of wish I wasn’t spending so many of those days in my office – ha ha).
When I was in the middle of doing radiation, I was interviewed by a reporter from the San Francisco Chronicle. The article is here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/03/07/DD1B1HKAVH.DTL
What the article didn’t mention is how successful I have been in beating back the cancer. When I realize how dire my diagnosis was, it clearly reminds me of how far I’ve come since then. I kind of wish the article had mentioned that it is all working and that my prognosis is good because I think that would further encourage people to play a role in their treatment and not just leave it up to the doctors. Patients should feel empowered to work in conjunction with their medical team to do whatever they can to help facilitate their body’s healing.
My friend and fellow survivor encouraged me to participate in the "Reach for the Stars" fashion show benefitting the Cancer Wellness Center at the Queen of the Valley Hospital here in Napa. All of the models in the show are cancer survivors and it is quite a production with practices, model coaches, stylists, clothes coordinators and the whole thing. I’m hoping it helps me get back some of what I feel like I’ve lost through all of this cancer treatment – getting out of “frump mode”, as well as make some more friends who have been through it. Information on the event is here:
http://www.queensfoundation.org/view/SpecialEvents/reach
The show is April 30 at 11am at the Meritage Resort in Napa for anyone interested in attending. The pink fire trucks will be there as well! I will try to post some photos of it sometime in May. Happy Spring!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Moving Onward!
Next Monday, I go back to work. It is hard to believe all that has happened since I last sat in my office. I had my ovary removal surgery on Wednesday. Compared to my last surgery in December, it was a piece of cake. Having said that, it still involves a bit of recovery. I'm feeling a bit sore and uncomfortable, but am happy to be on the mend. Yesterday, we went back to see my oncologist's nurse practitioner and get my infusion of Zometa and Faslodex shots. I felt a bit like a pin cushion having had surgery wednesday and then more needles yesterday.
Because I've had so many lymphnodes removed on both sides, they did my IV for my surgery in my foot. Let me tell you that needles in the foot hurt a lot more than needles in the arm. I woke up with an IV in both feet so that they'd have a back up if the first one failed for some reason - which thankfully wasn't needed.
When I came home from the hospital, Matthew wanted to see my "tubes" and "band-aids". He talked about my spider arms - since I had two drain tubes on each side with my last surgery. It made me laugh through the post-surgery blur.
My mom and aunt were here to help take care of me and help with the kids when I got home. With them and Marchus, I felt really well cared for.
Our trip to Hawaii was great! It was wonderful to swim in the ocean and to allow my radiated skin to heal. Although it is still a lot of work to travel with small children, we had a great time. Our trip was capped off with the Tsunami warning on our last night due to the massive earthquake in Japan. We evacuated since we were in the Tsunami innundation area and spent our last night of vacation in our car in a parking lot. It was a bit scary, but once we got away from the coast, we breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, we had friends parked near us who had pillows and blankets which was really comforting. Thanks Patrick and Fraser! We were relieved to wake up to find the airport still operating. Our hearts and prayers go out to the people in Japan who have suffered such loss and are living through such tremendous challenges. Needless to say, our small inconvenience pales in comparison to their experience.
It feels odd that I don't have to go back to San Francisco until April 11 for follow up visits with my doctors and April 15 for my next PET/CT scan. I am hoping that this begins the next phase of our life - with only monthly maintenance to keep the cancer at bay. Though I cannot imagine it now, I am hopeful that in a few years, we will all be able to look back on this ordeal as something that was fought and won! I know I will be challenged to keep the fear of cancer returning at bay and hope that once I am declared "Cancer-Free", I will remain so forever.
Thank you to everyone for all of your support, prayers and love. I know that I have been less in touch this past year and that many have kept up on my progress through this blog. I hope to reconnect with each of you very soon. I also know that many people that I have never even met have found my blog and hope that it has been helpful to them on their journey. I will continue with updates periodically, but wanted to express my appreciation and heartfelt thanks to my tremendous support team. You guys are awesome!!! With all my love...
Because I've had so many lymphnodes removed on both sides, they did my IV for my surgery in my foot. Let me tell you that needles in the foot hurt a lot more than needles in the arm. I woke up with an IV in both feet so that they'd have a back up if the first one failed for some reason - which thankfully wasn't needed.
When I came home from the hospital, Matthew wanted to see my "tubes" and "band-aids". He talked about my spider arms - since I had two drain tubes on each side with my last surgery. It made me laugh through the post-surgery blur.
My mom and aunt were here to help take care of me and help with the kids when I got home. With them and Marchus, I felt really well cared for.
Our trip to Hawaii was great! It was wonderful to swim in the ocean and to allow my radiated skin to heal. Although it is still a lot of work to travel with small children, we had a great time. Our trip was capped off with the Tsunami warning on our last night due to the massive earthquake in Japan. We evacuated since we were in the Tsunami innundation area and spent our last night of vacation in our car in a parking lot. It was a bit scary, but once we got away from the coast, we breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, we had friends parked near us who had pillows and blankets which was really comforting. Thanks Patrick and Fraser! We were relieved to wake up to find the airport still operating. Our hearts and prayers go out to the people in Japan who have suffered such loss and are living through such tremendous challenges. Needless to say, our small inconvenience pales in comparison to their experience.
It feels odd that I don't have to go back to San Francisco until April 11 for follow up visits with my doctors and April 15 for my next PET/CT scan. I am hoping that this begins the next phase of our life - with only monthly maintenance to keep the cancer at bay. Though I cannot imagine it now, I am hopeful that in a few years, we will all be able to look back on this ordeal as something that was fought and won! I know I will be challenged to keep the fear of cancer returning at bay and hope that once I am declared "Cancer-Free", I will remain so forever.
Thank you to everyone for all of your support, prayers and love. I know that I have been less in touch this past year and that many have kept up on my progress through this blog. I hope to reconnect with each of you very soon. I also know that many people that I have never even met have found my blog and hope that it has been helpful to them on their journey. I will continue with updates periodically, but wanted to express my appreciation and heartfelt thanks to my tremendous support team. You guys are awesome!!! With all my love...
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