Waiting for a flight makes you anxious… waiting for a delivery can make you frustrated… waiting for your doctor to call you with results from the Tumor Board that will determine the course of your medical care that will save your life is probably one of the most stressful periods of someone’s life. The Tumor Board met on Monday morning at 9am. I didn’t hear from my doctor about their recommendation until Wednesday at 2pm. And even then, I was just told that they recommended my having surgery – this alone is cause for celebration because it means I am moving toward being cancer free. However, I am still waiting for that elusive surgery date. First, I have to have an appointment with my surgeon and THEN she will write up surgical orders from which they can schedule me. It seems like nothing moves quickly and nothing moves according to my ideal timeline… and so, all I can do is wait some more.
While it is great news that I am heading to surgery, and I never in my wildest imagination ever thought I’d be wanting to have surgery so badly, it is difficult to be in this interim phase of being between chemo and surgery and just waiting for the next thing to happen. I am so ready to go under the knife and get this cancer out of my body. I feel like once I am over that hurdle, I can really look toward complete recovery with radiation and my tamoxifen doing their job to ensure I am cured.
Meanwhile, since it feels like I can’t plan anything since I don’t know when my surgery will be, I am trying to plan things for the near term – like going to the pumpkin patch, Matthew’s first real haircut, visiting with friends and my sister who are coming to town, and trying to keep my work moving forward.
I’ve really been on the fence about the hair color thing and what I have come to is this: I am not ready to be gray and I feel like the gray is a reminder of how my body failed me. I also know that I will always have the option of going back to gray at some point should I choose to do so – it isn’t like my hair is going to change. So, I’ve made an appointment for some hair color. I’ll go gray again when my boys are older and it feels right for me.
In other news, looks like the Giants have a good shot at the World Series. My husband is beside himself with glee. Should be exciting in the world of baseball in the next few days!
I am so glad that you have found out about your hair, and what is best for YOU. And it must be so frustrating to have to WAIT all the time for something that is so important for you. But hang in there! The time will come for the surgery, and soon I hope! Sending you good and happy feelings:-) Love Ida
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