Julianne Ward Nelson packed her 45 years with beauty, generosity and joy.

Julianne died Wednesday, February 5th, 2014 after five years striving to create as full a life as possible for her family while courageously managing cancer. She defined herself not as a patient, but rather by her devotion as a wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend – and especially as the mother of Adam (8) and Matthew (5) whose care she put before all else.

Born in Oslo, Norway on July 15, 1968, Julianne grew up in Los Angeles, graduated from UCSD and received her Juris Doctorate Degree from California Western School of Law. An avid equestrian, world traveller and savvy shopper, Julianne married Marchus Nelson of Napa in 2005. A member of the California Bar Association, Julianne worked most recently as a Planner for the City of Napa, where she helped craft the long-range plan for downtown redevelopment. She was active in her neighborhood association, her children’s school, and charities raising money for cancer research. Her friendships – many of which spanned over decades and continents – flourished from her warmth and grace.

Her life will be honored at a funeral service at 1:00 Tuesday at First Christian Church, 2659 First Street, in Napa. The service will be followed by an inurnment and reception at Tulocay Cemetery, 411 Coombsville Road.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions to assist her family can be made payable to UBS Financial Services, 703 Trancas Street, Napa, CA 94558, with a memo reading “Julianne’s Memorial Fund.” Donations also can be made to her sons' school, Blue Oak, 1436 Polk Street, Napa, CA 94559, noting that they are, “In Memory of Julianne Ward Nelson.”

Her family is tremendously grateful for the care and support shown by the many people who knew and loved Julianne.

Brave, brilliant, beautiful Julianne passed away peacefully this morning.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Next Installment

So, the reason it has taken me so long to post again is that I’ve bounced back and have been feeling amazingly good!!! So, I've been busy living! It is truly incredible to witness and feel the body’s ability to regain strength after feeling so awful. I feel so blessed to have had the last few months to recover and enjoy my health.

However, as can be the case, my PET/CT scan last week had some good news and some not so great news. The good news is that there was some stability in some areas and some areas have gone away or are being super quiet. Yay! The not so great news is that the liver spots are still living it up in there and adding a few friends, while trying to inflate themselves. This is not so good. I need those guys to quiet down or get OUT!

So, today I have my first infusion of a chemotherapy called Abraxane. It’s a relative of Taxol, which was my very first chemo almost 4 years ago. It’s considered to be easier for the body to process because it is connected to a protein, rather than a solvent (which is the case with Taxol). The good thing is that there are no premedications (Taxol requires Benadryl, Dexamethazone, and Zofran for nausea). Abraxane isn’t supposed to cause nausea (yay!). So, I am hoping that with this chemo, I will get the benefits of how brilliantly Taxol worked, without the unpleasant part. They do expect that I will lose my hair yet again. But hey, the third time is the charm, right?

I’m not really concerned about my hair leaving except that it is really hard on my kids. They don’t like it at all. So, that part is hard. And I don’t know if I’ll do hats or a wig this time. I’ve done both and wigs kind of let you get by in public without people knowing, but they are less comfortable than just throwing on a hat. So, we'll see.

I mentioned in my last post about my Chinese herbs. I’ve been doing them for almost two months now and have to say that I love them. It’s a bit of work to boil them up just about every day, but it feels healing and it is a nice way to do something for myself that way since I am not at all culinary. My oncologist was amazed at how quickly and how well I bounced back. I think she thought I felt badly because of the disease, but that isn’t at all the case. I have no pain and no issues related to the disease. It’s the treatment that causes me problems! I think the Chinese herbs contributed to my ability to bounce back. I mean I walked over three miles just a few days ago. Not bad!

This whole process is an emotional roller coaster. I am still learning to live in the moment, to appreciate the small stuff, to love the people in my life so dearly that it brings tears to my eyes, and to know in my heart that life is such a tremendous gift.

My plan (planner that I am) is to be here a long, long time. As my Chinese herbs doctor says, this is a chronic disease and getting it under control is the key. I’m working on getting it under control with many prayers, western medicine, Chinese herbs, acupuncture, reiki, counseling, green juice (thank you Monika!!) lots of walking out in the fresh air, music, inspirations, positive thinking, and most of all, the love of my dear family and friends. I am blessed to have you all in my life. Again, when you think of me, envision me in perfect health. Thank you for all your support. This thanksgiving, I am deeply, deeply thankful for all that I am blessed with.
I hope you are as well. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Following Up

Sorry it has taken awhile for me to post again. It's been a bit of a whirlwind.

Let's start with the good news first: the brain MRI showed that my brain is doing great! So, that was a giant relief!

On the other hand, the PET/CT did not have such good news. Again, there was some progression and some new little spots. Argh! My family and I were so disappointed. At first, my doctor was talking about switching me back to another chemo I'd had in the beginning. However, after talking with her, she also recommended I switch to hormone therapy and a biologic. This would be the oral drugs Aromasin and Afinitor. I'd taken these early this year for less than a week when all that craziness happened with spots in my lungs that turned out to be related to my having the flu. Anyway, I've been happily taking Aromasin and Afinitor for about a week now and each day am gaining some strength back and feeling more human again.

That last chemo really took a lot out of me. I was pretty much in bed full time and was struggling to even eat. It was pretty brutal for me, though I hear that some people just sail through. Everyone is different and so treatment experiences really vary. It was really, really hard and I am SO happy to be on a treatment that is not debilitating anymore. My family and friends have been tremendous support during this really difficult time and there are no words to express how grateful I am and how much I appreciate them.

In the last week or so, I also met with a doctor of Chinese Herbal Medicine. I'll report more on that once I get going on my herbs, which I am expecting to be delivered today.

I'm also getting my tumor tissue analyzed by a company that will look at the cells and be able to recommend biological therapies that are consistent with the receptors of those cells. Let's hope there is a big list of possibilities.

Again, I am so thankful for everyone's thoughts and prayers.
I hope that when you think of me, you imagine me completely healthy, active and happy. That's what I pray for in my future. I can't say thank you enough for all of your support. The cards, texts, email, voicemails and phone calls are always a bright part of my day. I am so grateful for my incredible support system and feel so very blessed to be here every day!!!

Scanxiety

Tomorrow is a double day. On the one hand it is Marchus' and my wedding anniversary. I feel so blessed to be married to such an loving and supportive husband, and that is definitely worth celebrating. O. The other hard, tomorrow morning, I will have a brain MRI, as well as a PET/CT scan. After the last one, I can't help but have some fear and anxiety going on. At the same time, I have been praying and praying for my health and future. I hope that you will pray for me too - for scan results that show my health and well being. I will post again when we have results. But for now, prayers for perfect health are welcome and appreciated.
Thank you so very much.

Jumping in... Again...

So, we met with my oncologist and discussed a whole load of choices. Who knew there were so many treatment options?! She said that we wouldn't run out of options, it's more what each person's body can handle - which was good news to me cuz I'm planning on keeping my body healthy and strong!

So, after much discussion, I began on a clinical trial of Eribulin (which is fairly new and comes from sea sponges) and Cytoxan (which has been around for decades). Basically, I get both one week, Eribulin only the next week and then a week off. Then repeat. I'll have a scan in early September to check on how it's going (around the same time as my brain MRI. We started last Tuesday, and it knocked me down a bit for a few days, but my strength is gradually rebounding and I'm happy about that - elated actually! The fear and anxiety of how any new treatment will affect me is probably almost as bad as the treatment itself. Maybe someday I'll get used to it and be more able to roll with all the unknowns, but for now it makes me into a total stress case.

I'm lucky to be treated at UCSF and be involved in clinical trials. These are not the trials where they just throw stuff at you and see if it works. These are more set up for data collection for drugs or drug combinations that they have shown to be effective, but just need a broader statistical basis to qualify for FDA approval, which is a long, arduous process. So, it's great to have the opportunity to participate in cutting edge medical treatment. I'm banking on being a further reflection of their prior success. :)

Otherwise, we had an incredible celebration of my sister-in-law's and my birthday, as well as my in-laws 50th anniversary last weekend. It felt amazing to me to be surrounded by the love of my family and my dearest friends. It truly buoyed my spirits in a way I didn't expect. I can't thank everyone enough for such an incredible experience. I haven't danced that much since our wedding!!

After chemo this week, I'll get to spend some time with my mom, sister, niece and nephew and road trip it down to Southern California, where the boys and I will spend some time at the beach with my dad and Beth, my cousin and her family. Should be a great way to round out the summer with some relaxing family time.

Despite the roller coaster of the last two weeks (which feels like years), I know every day that I am so fortunate to live the life I live... I am learning more and more how to appreciate each moment, and as cliche as all this may sound, I am blessed to have my eyes opened to the beauty and love that greets us with each new day. Enjoy it!!!

Scan Results

Well, sometimes you get the results you want and, sometimes you don’t. This was one of those times when the scan results were disappointing, surprising, shocking and a whole lot of other things. Definitely NOT what I wanted to hear.

I was just so enjoying this summer with my family. We’ve fallen into a good groove together enjoying each other’s company and doing fun things. And now, we have to shift gears again and move into heavy duty fighting mode.

The scan showed some progression of spots that were already there, reawakening of spots that showed up previously but had disappeared, and then a few new ones just to round it out. Nothing is very big or is threatening an important organ or anything, it’s just that they are there and that there are more of them and they are active that is really upsetting.

Marchus has been wonderful – truly could not be more supportive. He’s amazing that he always knows the right thing to say. I’m really thankful for him.

So, I will post again once I know what’s going on with my treatment. I am so thankful for everyone’s prayers and positive thoughts. Please keep them coming since my fight is gearing up once again. Thank you.

A Happy Summer

Since they changed my chemo to Doxil in May, I’ve been feeling tremendously better. I’ve been able to be much more active and have enjoyed some really fun time with my family! This has been a great summer so far with family and friends visiting, as well as having the opportunity to travel a little bit to visit them. It’s really been heartwarming to be able to spend time with the people I love without feeling like I need them to look after me.

The kids and I just got back from a week visiting my sister and her family. We had a great time and my Dad and Beth arrived for the last couple days of our visit which made it extra special. I joyfully celebrated my 45th, yes, 45th, birthday while we were there. Feeling so blessed to have the gift of getting older. Funny how your perspective changes when dealing with life altering challenges.

I’ve officially retired from work. Well, disability retired, but we’ll call it retired. It’s weird to not have going to work and doing work as a strong presence in my life. I can’t remember not having the stress of work. I wondered how I’d fill my time, but it seems to be pretty easy. If I’m feeling good, I’ve always got something to do. I realized that we’ve lived in our house for 5 years and I never got it organized. May have something to do with having a baby a month after we moved in and then being diagnosed a year and a half later, while working full time. So, now’s my opportunity!!

I have a PET/CT scan next Tuesday, July 30, as well as an ECHO of my heart to see how it is coping with the chemo. I could use your prayers and good thoughts for fantastic results. I’m doing so well right now, I am hopeful that this track will continue.

Thanks so much for all of your support, prayers and love. It means the world to me. Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!!!

A Healthy Brain Makes Me HAPPY!

Well, I was doing really well anxiety-wise until Sunday, and then it all flooded in like the dam had broken. So, I was actually feeling some relief when Monday finally came and I was heading back into the tube for the brain MRI. I kept my eyes closed the whole time this time to avoid the claustrophobia. Usually, when you are finished, they usher you quickly back out to the nurse in the prep area. This time, as I stopped to pick up my hat off a table, I noticed my BRAIN on the computer screen. I asked the tech if that was, in fact, my brain. Oh yes, he said and he scrolled through the image from the front of my face to the back of my head, and then quickly from the top of my head to the bottom. Now, I'm no radiologist, but I didn't see any glaring spots anywhere and that allowed me to breathe a little easier. I don't think they are supposed to do that, and they never have before, but I sure appreciated it!

Later Monday night, I got a text from my oncologist that the MRI looked great! As you might imagine, the flood of emotions was tremendous. My mom and I quickly got on the phone to call close family members and send out some text messages to get the word out. I don't think it really sunk in until the next morning when I awoke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep because my mind was reeling - this time, in a good way. :)

So, the MRI report says that they can see only 3 of the original 12 spots, but those 3 spots are shrinking. These may be the original 3 that started all of this by showing up on a PET scan in January. I'm really happy that they are on their way out and that nothing new showed up. That was actually my biggest worry - and having sinus issues, related headaches and a few spins of vertigo recently didn't help relieve those worries. But, now that I know there is nothing to worry about, all of those things are going away as well. Irony, huh?

In any case, now we can plan our summer. The kids are out of school on Friday, and Marchus and I are going to sit down with a calendar and map it all out - keeping in mind my chemo schedule etc. I feel like my road back to health is getting clearer and with the support of my family and friends, I will get there. I'm on my way! Now, I just have to get rid of those other spots, which is next.

I really cannot thank everyone enough for their thoughts, prayers, good wishes and tremendous support. Knowing that each of you is out there cheering me on bolsters my spirit and warms my heart. Thank you so much! As I promised before, I'll continue posting more often...

The Next Chapter

I know, it’s been a very long while since I posted and I’ve made a resolution to do this more often. So check back and bug me if I’m not posting enough.

Well, it’s been another rocky ride to start 2013, and I’m finally starting to get my feet under me again. In January, I had a scan that showed that the liver lesion was back in action and there was another one that sprouted near my liver. To add to this, there was some kind of sheet-like cancer around my intestines and a couple spots on my spine. And just to make sure I was getting the message, there were 12 spots in my brain.

But no need to panic! In February, I had Gamma Knife radiation on the spots on my brain, which showed them all shrinking up in March. I have another brain MRI on Monday, June 3 and am holding strong prayers that it turns out with good results!

Unfortunately, when I had the Gamma Knife procedure, I was also getting that terrible flu and ended up with a 104 degree fever that got me sent from Gamma Knife to the ER, where they ran a bunch of tests, diagnosed me with the flu and had concerns that I might have fungal pneumonia. This meant we got to follow the night in the ER with a bronchoscopy a couple days later – which turned up nothing. And I got to take heavy duty anti-fungal medication for a month, which contributed to my month in bed with the flu. It was brutal.

Meanwhile, my doctor had changed my treatment and I had to go off of it because of the spots in my lungs that they thought were the fungal pneumonia. Turns out they don’t do CT scans on people who have the flu and it was probably just what happens in people’s lungs when they have the flue. When we went back for the scan to check out my lungs and everything else, where the lungs came out clear (thankfully), there was a bit more going on in the liver and intestine area. So, it was onto weekly chemo of Epirubicin, which I started in mid March and which sent me back to bed feeling awful for weeks and made my hair head south again.

Thankfully, my last scan at the end of April showed that things were calming down in my abdomen and I was switched to a different chemo, Doxil, which is every 4 weeks. This is a much more tolerable treatment and I’m actually feeling good enough now to get out and about. The biggest side effect is fatigue, but compared to where I’ve been, it’s nothing!

Through all of this, I’ve had a lot of time to think, and think, and think some more. Despite what seems to be pretty terrible news, which I realized as I typed it out, I’m feeling really positive about my future. I am planning to live a very long time – to be 93, to be exact. And I’m planning to be healthy in the process too. I am going to be here to raise my kids and to play with my grandchildren. I just know in my heart that that is true. One way or another, I will get through this. I’ve added some new dietary tools and am still doing acupuncture and reiki. My husband and family have been sweet, supportive and full of love, as have my friends, and that makes me really happy. It’s not that I haven’t had my dark moments, but that I am choosing to look in a positive direction.

So, despite having occasional anxiety, fear, worry and all those things, I also see possibility and healing in my future.

Please do keep me in your thoughts and prayers for good health and thank you for your support!! I’ll post again soon.

Catching up and Doing Great

Well, here it is almost October, and I haven’t updated this blog since June! Sorry folks. Well, it’s been a bit of a rocky ride since June but I’m on the mend now and doing well. So, let’s just start with that.

In May and June, I had 3 surgeries in 6 weeks to try to repair some radiated skin that wasn’t healing. Turned out this new portable wound vac made called Via finally did the trick and now that’s all healed up. Phew. Also in June, I had another scan which revealed a lesion on my liver. It was a small one – only 2 cm x 1.4 cm, but worrisome enough that I switched from my Faslodex (hormone therapy) to an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda. The chemo has taken some getting used to though I’m heading into round 6 tomorrow and I am feeling pretty good. My only challenges with it are fatigue, foot and stomach issues. As amazing as it sounds, my dad actually worked on the foundation of this chemo about 30 years ago. So, that he had a hand in developing the drug that is saving my life just touches my heart.

I should note that I had another scan in September and it showed that although the liver lesion was still there, it was not measurably metabolically active any more than the rest of my liver which means it is basically dormant. That was only 10 weeks since I started on the chemo, so perhaps by my next scan, it will have shrunk down or disappeared! Big prayers for that!

It was a pretty rough road with all of this over the summer and there were definitely moments where I was so sick, I couldn’t even go downstairs or sit up or eat much. Looking back on that, it is amazing how the body can rebound in such a short time. We had a great time at Relay for Life and our rookie team raised over $6,000!!! Yay, team! And my health is returning – I’m back at work, walking our dog and although I am pretty exhausted by the time the kids are asleep, I am thankful for every day. I’m especially thankful to have the support of my incredible family during this rough time, my friends I spent time with and for the folks at work who organized meals, fundraisers and just a whole lot of support through this really challenging time for me and my family.

Just to round out our summer, Adam (age 6) broke his arm the weekend before school started and Marchus’ unemployment benefits were cancelled and we had to appeal. But through it all, we’ve hung in there and bonded together as a family through thick and thin. It just goes to show that it’s all about attitude and faith. We know we’ll get through all of this and we will persevere through whatever hurdles we encounter – life throws these challenges at you and it’s what you make of them that counts.
Wishing everyone a healthy and happy fall season. I’ll try to keep posting. 

Relay for Life

Join my team for Relay for Life – July 28 – 29 in Napa, CA. It is always a great event full of inspiration, camaraderie, entertainment and fun. We’ll be there for 24 hours and camping out that night, so come join us or support our efforts through a donation to the American Cancer Society. It is a terrific cause!!!


Copy this link to your browser for my personal page:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=17108793&pg=personal&fr_id=36842&fl=en_US&et=4Jk7zF3XXCNBwpLcYZVBPA&s_tafId=833881

Copy this link to your browser for The “J” Team page:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=1093699&pg=team&fr_id=36842&fl=en_US&et=Su7zTeLnQ3SpWudFCSE1og&s_tafId=833881

As for me, I’m on the mend again after a quick surgery last week to repair an area of an incision that hadn’t healed. Unfortunately, it involved a few days in the hospital on IV antibiotics, but that made me all the more happy to go home.  I have a scan on June 13 and I anticipate it will all show great results with nothing active again. Please continue your good wishes and prayers for my great health! I’m continuing to try to keep to my diet and exercise routine and I do feel better and better as time goes by.

I hope to see lots of familiar smiling faces at Relay for Life in July!

Happy, Healthy and looking to give back!

So, I had my last scan on January 18 and it came back ALL CLEAR!!! What a huge relief!! I’ve been walking on air ever since. Scan time evokes so much anxiety and getting good results makes me just feel like dancing around – which I did with my kids. I’d had a bit of worry about these two little bumps that I found. I don’t know how long they were there, but just noticed them a couple weeks before the scan. They didn’t show up on the scan and I showed them to both my oncologist and plastic surgeon last week and they both think they are likely to be titanium clips from my surgery. I’m having an ultrasound at the end of February to just make sure. I had a clip taken out with my last surgery and assumed it was left in erroneously, but as it turns out there are likely more in there… Now, wouldn’t it be helpful if they told you, “by the way, we left a bunch of metal staples in you and they may show up at some point,” so that you don’t have heart failure every time something rises to the surface?? I guess they don’t think of it. So, I’m not too worried since they are wanting to do the ultrasound just to rule anything else out. I’m feeling great and enjoying getting out for lots of long walks… Speaking of WALKING and giving back, I’ve decided to participate in two events this year – Relay for Life and the Avon Walk… I just signed up to be a team captain for Relay for Life in Napa on July 28 – 29. Relay is a wonderful event that raises money for the American Cancer Society and that benefits cancer patients directly through ACS support programs for individuals in treatment. It is a really fun event and I hope you will consider joining me and/or sponsoring me for this very important event. http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12CA?pg=team&fr_id=36842&team_id=1093699 Also, I am going to sign up to do the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. The Avon Walk is a 2 day walk September 23 and 24 in Santa Barbara. It is a marathon the first day and a half marathon the second day. Now, I don’t even dream of being able to put that many miles on my feet in such a short time, but I’m going to do my very best to go as far as my little feet will take me. Please consider joining me and/or sponsoring me for this event. I will post my webpage for this shortly. Thank you so much!!! Julianne

Happiest of New Years!!!

With the new year upon us, I'm looking forward to being able to make some plans! First, I have my first scan of they year on Wednesday, January 18 - my grandmother's 100th birthday, and my dear cousin Denise's XX birthday (we won't tell how old she is. :) hee hee). I'm feeling confident that this scan will show all clear, but then those little sneaky doubts poke their head into my consciousness, and I ask them to go away. I'm hoping that getting the results will put all of these crazy thoughts to rest. I'll post again when I get the results - hopefully Wednesday or Thursday. With regard to plans, I'm planning on doing Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society the last weekend in July. I'm excited to have some friends joining my team - some coming from very far away! The Relay for Life is an annual event that raises money for the American Cancer Society through teams where a team member or 3 or 4 or more walk the track over 24 hours. The idea is to have someone from your team walking at all times so there will be plenty of time to walk or just enjoy one another's company. Once I have the team webpage up, I will post it here. I hope that many of my family and friends will join me in walking in this amazing event. I hope this new year brings everyone health, wealth and happiness. XO

What a difference a year makes!

This time last year, I was recovering from my major surgery moving through the world in a haze. Now, one year later, it's wonderful to be able to recognize how far I've come with my health. That's not to say that I don't have those nagging doubts and suspicions with every ache or pain, but I think it will take awhile for my knee-jerk reaction to be something other than fear of cancer. In any case, this christmas, I am able to experience the joy and hope that the holiday brings with fresh eyes knowing how blessed we all are to be able to wake up and greet each day - especially those days with stockings, wreaths and ornaments. I have another scan on January 18 - which would have been my grandmother's 100th birthday. I'm hoping that doing it on that day brings me good luck. I've been having some swelling in my hands since my last surgery in October, so I just saw a physical therapist yesterday to try to address it. She showed me how to make a funny bandage around my fingers - a little like mummy hands. It seemed to work a little bit in the short time I had it on. We'll see if she can manage to get my hands back to their normal bony-ness. Otherwise, I'm just a harried working mom and wife trying to get everything done in time for the holidays. I wish everyone all the love, joy and laughter of the Christmas season. May you each make a memory this Christmas and be blessed with good health for 2012.

Stitches of Hope

Tomorrow marks three weeks since I had my surgery replacing my expanders with permanent implants. As one of my friends noted, this is a heck of a way to get a free boob-job - involuntarily, I might add. I never paid too much attention to that part of my body, let alone obessessed over it like some people do. Not like my toenails - which I have a history of being a bit compulsive about - I can't stand a chipping pedicure. This has served me well over the years in that my feet look snappy in sandals year round. Anyway, I'm doing well and feeling pretty darn good these days. I still don't have all of my energy back, but I have to remind myself that it takes a lot of energy for one's body to repair itself when it's been cut into and your insides messed with. I know, I'm impatient. This has been such a long and arduous journey, and I have learned a lot about patience, but I am also SO ready to be feeling like my vibrant and alive self again. I'm tempted to get back on the treadmill, but am pacing myself so that I am not tempted to over do it. I was so fortunate to have my mom and my dad and Beth come and help out during my recovery from my surgery. It always feels so good to have my parents around when I'm feeling crummy. I bounced back much faster from this surgery than the other two. Maybe because it was less invasive. I never needed any pain medication aside from Motrin in the mornings and evenings, and even then, only for a few days. It was a pretty big relief to start feeling better so soon after the surgery, and even so, feeling rotten brought back memories of how rotten I felt before going through chemo and recovering from surgery. That brought back a lot of emotional stuff - a lot of fear and anxiety that I fought throughout my cancer treatment. I had to keep reminding myself that I had a scan only a few weeks prior that showed ZERO active cancer. These conversations in my head were ever present in those early days after the surgery. It was odd because I knew it was the physical feelings that brought them on and that those physical feelings were related to healing and not cancer, but I still had a hard time shaking the emotional part. Because I had radiation to my entire chest area, the doctors are leaving the stitches in until the week of Thanksgiving. It's timely that I have these Frankenstein stitches through the Halloween season - even though no one will see them. Ha ha. I have to say that I'm pleased with how it all turned out. I guess I can thank the entertainment industry for perfecting plastic surgery because I've definitely benefitted from it. Really, no one would ever know that they are fake. Not that I'm going to go around showing them off - my chest has had enough attention paid to it to last a lifetime already. So, having navigated the big rapids on this river of treatment, I now get to float along, hopefully forever, with just the little ripples of my monthly infusions and shots that keep the cancer away. At my last visit with my oncologist, she suggested that I do a marathon with her in February 2013 - that kind of vote of confidence takes the weight of fear and uncertainty off my shoulders. I just keep reminding myself that my oncologist - the expert in planning for the worst case scenario - thinks that I'll be ready for a marathon over a year from now. That's a whole lot of confidence in my health. So, although I'll never again be able to ignore the fact that I'm not immortal, for the moment, I can feel that I am invincible - I kicked out Stage IV cancer and that's a pretty big accomplishment. The Relay for Life will be July 28 - 29, 2012 in Napa at Napa Valley College. I hope you will join me and walk a lap or two, or more, to help other cancer survivors kick cancer too. More on that to come....

Still ALL CLEAR!!!

This summer, we lost my cousin Karol to cancer. She fought a valiant fight and insprired me tremendously as my cancer fighting partner. I feel tremendous sadness that she didn't win her fight as I always expected that she would. I know she is in a better place now and free from pain, but I miss her and I know her passing has been such a loss for all of her family and friends.

At the end of August, I had another scan. It had been 4.5 months since the last one and because I am still feeling so good, I didn't have the anxiety that preceded all of the previous scans. I was thrilled to hear from my oncologist that this scan also showed NO EVIDENCE OF METABOLIC ACTIVITY. YAY! Another fantastic report! I think it goes without saying that I am still walking on air with this result!

I have my last surgery in two weeks - on October 6 - to replace the expanders with permanent implants. It should be a pretty straightforward surgery and I should be home that evening. I'm looking forward to it because it signifies the end of "treatment" and moving on to just being on "maintenance." It's been such a journey and I feel so fortunate to have such great results, despite the rocky road and many hills and valleys traveled.

I do still want to celebrate the completion of my treatment and my success in ridding my body of the invader. In thinking about it, I think one of the best ways to celebrate is to find a way to give back and support others in their fight. So, I'm hoping that everyone will join me in July 2012 by participating in Relay for Life here in Napa. Relay is a 24 hour event to raise awareness and money for the American Cancer Society. I participated in 2010 during chemo and it was a transformative experience. So, I'm going to captain a team next year and I hope you will come and join me to celebrate my health while supporting this great cause. Check back here for more information. It will be quite a party!

Kicking Cancer and Kickin' Back

So, it's been a couple months since I got my scan results that there is NO ACTIVE CANCER IN MY BODY... and I think it is finally, finally sinking into my head. It does take some time to get your head around these things - even though the news is exactly what you want to hear, you don't actually "get it" right away. There is the initial celebration and then the processing of this information that takes time.

My last doctor's appointment with my oncologist was very upbeat and happy. She thinks I am doing great and has changed her language from "when you need more treatment" to "if and when..." I know it is crazy, but being in my shoes, you hang on every word - every change in vocabulary and word usage can be cause for elation or devastation. I like that she is using "if and when" rather than "when" because that tells me that she isn't expecting it, but is prepared for it IF it happens. She also told us that "if and when" I needed more treatment, very likely, she wouldn't be jumping right into chemo because there are some treatments that can be given in pill form that are proving to be quite effective. The world of cancer treatment is changing at a rapid pace giving all of us hope that the word "cancer" will not be one that strikes fear into the hearts of our children, but rather is something easily treatable in the not so distant future.

I'm happy to also report that my energy level is rebounding and I am feeling better than I can remember. I think that my body has been fighting this cancer for a very long time and without having to fight it anymore, I am gaining strength, endurance and just generally feeling a whole lot more capable than I can remember. I do still get tired sometimes, but nothing at all like before. I'm keeping up with exercise, acupuncture, my diet (though I cheat sometimes) and just generally enjoying the amazing life I am so blessed to live.

We are planning some summer family trips, the boys are swimming and doing soccer, summer is finally here and LIFE IS GOOD... I have so much to be thankful for and feel so blessed. Thanks to all for your support and love. This is a success story not just for me, but for you as well - WE DID IT!!! We KICKED cancer's ass!!! Woo-hoo!!! OK so about that party... I guess I better start thinking about it!

 

 

 

Stepping into the Light

Having been so closely watched and analyzed by my medical team over the last year, I was buoyed by my oncologist telling me that she doesn't need to see me for two months AND that she is recommending FOUR months until my next scan. This from a doctor who is very conservative and always preparing for the next step. It has taken awhile for this to sink in that she isn't worried about me and expects me to live "for a long time." YAY!!! So, now I am slowly getting my energy back again and sorting through what just happened to my life in the last 15 months. Talk about feeling derailed!

So, as part of trying to find my way back, I volunteered to participate in the Reach for the Stars fashion show benefitting the local cancer wellness center. The practices for the show began only 5 days after my ovary removal surgery, so I was still feeling a bit out of it and not myself while trying to learn how to "walk with purpose." I felt more disconnected from my body than ever. Having been poked, prodded, sliced, radiated and feeling toxic from all of my treatment, I just felt further and further removed from my body over time. I wore clothes that hid me from the world. So, participating in a fashion show was as far from my comfort zone as I could reach. However, spending time with these incredible women, all of whom are cancer survivors, and learning how to walk the runway with the tremendous support of everyone involved compelled me to step out of the box and my comfort zone and celebrate all that my body has achieved in not only sustaining me through the grueling months of treatment but in healing so well and kicking that cancer out!

For me, the fashion show wasn't about fashion or clothes, but about finding a way to navigate the world proudly in the aftermath of so much physical and emotional pain. It was about stepping into the light and allowing myself to shine. I so appreciate the support and cheering of my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my friends - Jill, Serena and her husband Greg, Madelynn and Peggy, my co-workers Carolyn, Terri and Eileen, as well as my new friends on the runway, backstage, and in the audience. It was an incredible experience!